No one really prepares you for life after school, life after the strict routine that dictates your every decision. You don't realise it at the time but that life is simple, certain and perhaps even stable. However do I really miss that? Do I miss not having freedom in what I chose to wear, in how I express myself and in the way I plan my life? Well the answer is not that simple. If I had known what freedom meant, what comes with such a privilege, I may have reconsidered being so miserable at school.
Although... the HSC (higher school certificate) which students much complete in their final year of education in NSW Australia, is quite a daunting and scarring experience. One I would never repeat. The amount of stress and angst placed on a young student is enough to traumatise anyone. I still get nightmares two years on. I don't know why though, my parents never pressured me to study and to do well, I guess I placed that stress on myself. Because life then seemed as though it would not go on if you didn't make it into university (I know... how dramatic).
But I overcame this obstacle and found myself thrown into a whole new playing field. Alone and having to decide what I want to do for the rest of my life, I unknowingly jumped into Advanced Science thinking it would nurture my love for animals and the environment. However I was wrong and soon realised that unless I wanted to work in a lab doing research earning an incredibly low pay for the rest of my life, this was not the place for me.
I want to travel, to be outdoors and to enjoy our world.
Now I find myself starring down a tunnel of uncertainty, I'm not sure if I can see the light yet, but perhaps there is a sliver creeping through now that I have transferred into another course. Something that makes more sense to me, something that could perhaps feed my motivation and goals once more.
I know I shouldn't be complaining because there are many less fortunate than I, but how can I control the fear of not making it out there, in the "real" world. Not being good enough and just becoming another graduate looking for work. Somewhere deep down I know this won't happen because I believe in myself too much, I believe I am strong enough to make it, to contribute to society. But until then I must live the precarious life of a university student.
Elle xx
